Was There A Stroke

I don’t remember how long ago or the exact day when I started to notice it in pictures, I think it was a selfie the first time. My left eye was never quite open as much as my right. Sometimes it almost seemed droopy, but most of the time just smaller, like the lid didn’t open as much. Some time later, I began noticing what I had convinced myself was the problem with every pair of sunglasses I owned. They were crooked! Had to be! I put them on face and they were noticeablely angled, I bought cheap sunglasses, expensive sunglasses and so many in between, but still they were crooked. I finally decided it was my ears. Of course it was my ears, they must sit at slightly different levels on the sides of my head. WRONG! It was then that I convinced myself that somewhere along the way of many years of having my eyebrows waxed that somehow they’d become done in a way that left one noticeably higher than the other. Wrong again. Something happened at some point that has caused the left side of my face to droop, sag….whatever you want to call it. The muscles in that side of my face are weak. 

Sometime last year I did a taped interview, basically answering some questions on a video recording. Nothing difficult or thought provoking, just your typical ‘give us an example of a time when you blah blah blah’. I followed the instructions, answered the 5 questions and then played it back to make sure I was happy with the clip before submission. The first three questions were pretty uneventful other than the typical dislike of hearing ones own voice and thinking gah does my hair really look like that. Then my response to question 4 began. In the middle of my answer, I began to studder and lean to the left, after a few seconds a long pause and a blank look, I continued. It’s important to add here that I don’t have a studder and I don’t recall this happening while I was doing the recording. 

On two very separate occasions there’s been a strange delay between my brain and the function of my left hand. The first was while chopping parsley. You should know I am right handed, so my left hand should have merely held the parsley and slid back as the knife chopped. However, the signal to my hand was delayed and what ended up happening instead was panic when my hand didn’t slide back and then an overreaction. In a single movement that I didn’t have control over my hand snatched the parsley and threw it across the kitchen. Go ahead and laugh….it’s kind of funny. Fast forward now to a few months later and the next occasion this delay happened. I’m driving on a two lane road, soft shoulder on my right, on coming traffic on my left. Right hand fidgeting with the radio, left hand hooked in the steering wheel to make the slight right over the upcoming bridge. Delay to hand to make turn occurs, panic sets in, cue overreaction and in one single movement that I didn’t have control over and my hand yanks down firmly on the steering wheel. 

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Author: Madison Page

Just a girl putting words on a page to ease her soul and pass the days. Somebody's mother, aunt, daughter, sister, friend, queen, princess and so many things to no end it seems, but most of the time, I'm just me.

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